


Sex Trouble

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Accidental Sex, Blowjobs, Condom, First Time, Loosely Translated from Chinese, M/M, Oral Sex, Shota, Translation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 03:57:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3342791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A translation of the fic "错误性教育" by moli6. Stan and Kyle try to put on condoms. Based on the episode "Proper Condom Use".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex Trouble

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [错误性教育](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2299382) by [moli6](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moli6/pseuds/moli6). 



On the night of their sleepover, Kyle Broflovski and his good friend Stan were sitting on the soft little bed, facing one of the biggest challenges of their lives.

"Dude, do you think this thing can prevent AIDS?" Kyle tried to gash the small white plastic carton with his nail. He and his little friends had just bought the box of condoms from the South Park pharmacy.

"Honestly, I don't know." Stan dropped a handful of condoms from his own box on Kyle's bed.

"Anyway, gotta try them out... I don't wanna get AIDS." Kyle peeled open the package. "Holy crap, this thing is sticky!"

Stan leaned towards Kyle and looked down at the condom in his hands.

"Do you know how to put it on?" Kyle asked his best friend.

"Butters put one on. He used a rubber band." Stan reached into his pocket and pulled out two rubber bands. "I stole them from Shelley."

"Shelley'll be pissed if she finds out!" Kyle answered in a nasty tone, and they giggled. They always laughed over the silly things they shared, like using a magnifying glass in the sun to set pictures of Angelina Jolie on fire, or make farting noises in class and blaming them on Cartman.

Kyle shook the condom out of his hands.

"The instructions say to make sure there aren't any holes." Stan gravely studied the instructions on the back of the box.

"Should I have stretched it out first? It seems a little small." Kyle, with two fingers, stretched a bit of the rubber. "Dude, look, this thing is flexible."

"We can blow it up like a balloon" Stan joked, and the two boys laughed again.

"Well, I'll try." Kyle took off his pajama bottoms, revealing small white briefs. That pair of underwear had been bought last year, and Kyle had developed quickly. The underwear were tight across Kyle's taut little ass.

"Can I watch you?" Stan asked, embarrassed, "I don't know how to do this."

Kyle blushed a little bit, but turning down a friend's request just wasn't his style.

"Of course, of course you can watch. But I don't know how to put it on either."

Kyle took off his underwear. The boy's genitals were clearly not yet developed, and only a thin layer of ginger hair covered his crotch.

"I'm going to try it out now..." Kyle tried to roll on his condom without dropping it. But he failed. The condom rolled back up, and again fell on the blue sheets.

"I think your condom is kind of dirty now, shouldn't you change it?" Stan suggested, then he helped Kyle open a condom. Stan pulled too hard and the condom flew out of the package.

"I think we should open it another way." Kyle looked at the pile of condoms on the floor.

"Ike said Mr. Garrison told the class how to put on condoms today." The room was a bit hot, so Kyle took his hat off. His fluffy red curls stood briskly. Stan liked Kyle's red hair, but Kyle thought his Jewfro made him look stupid. "Mr. Garrison said that you have to put on condoms with your mouth."

"No one's mouth could reach his penis. Mr. Garrison is such an idiot!" Stan commented, then the boys laughed again.

"But I have to admit, he was better than Mr. Mackey, at least he taught students something." Kyle shrugged. Suddenly, he had an idea. "Dude, we can help each other. I can put on your condom, then you can put on my condom!"

It sounded like a good idea, but Stan didn't know exactly what to say.

"It is a good idea! Let's try it." Stan thought having a clever Jewish friend was a very good thing.

Kyle bit open a new condom. Stan took off his pajama pants and underwear, revealing a small penis.

"Oh, dude, I wish I had a penis as big as yours." Kyle's voice was a little uneven. He always knew Stan was the most mature of his friends, but not in this way.

Stan's face was a little red. He adjusted his posture, his legs apart in front of Kyle. Kyle climbed off of the bed, kneeling on the floor, and put his head between Stan's legs.

"I'll start." Kyle held the condom in his his mouth. Then he grabbed Stan's wiener.

Stan nervously gulped. Kyle's little red head got a little closer to his lower body, his warm breath spraying into Stan's sensitive areas.

"Dude..." Before Stan could finish, Kyle wrapped his mouth around Stan's penis. Stan felt the small piece of rubber stretch around his wiener. Kyle put his thumb up for Stan to let him know he was done. Kyle's mouth was now filled with mucus and Stan's condom protected wiener, and he couldn't speak.

Next, Kyle stuck his tongue out, pushing forward the opening of the condom. Stan's body stiffened. Kyle brought him an unprecedented feeling. Imagining his penis in Kyle's mouth, and the condom's lubricating fluid and saliva made the moment seem so... pornographic.

Stan, embarrassed, twisted up his body.

"Hey! Don't touch it yet!" Stan's wiener sliding out of his mouth, Kyle wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

"I'm sorry, I was a little bit..." Stan's face flushed, his wiener hard.

"Wow! Dude, it stood up! How did you do that?!" Kyle stared at his friend's genitals as he asked excitedly.

"I don't know, it started doing that off and on about six months wgo." Stan looked down at his penis, its top  half still inside the condom.

"We have to put it on all the way." Kyle bent down again and wrapped his mouth around his friend's dick.

Stan's heartbeat was as fast as a roller coaster, just like his breathing.

"Kyle..." Stan felt the condom roll into place, and then gently shook Kyle by the shoulders. The red-haired boy pulled his mouth away.

"Oh my God, it keeps getting bigger." Kyle was surprised by Stan's wiener. "Dude, you have to tell me how to make it stand up."

"Sometimes when I fall asleep, it stands up." Stan answered hesitantly.

"Stan!" Kyle felt like his friend was hiding something...

"I usually have to touch myself." Stan's face was already red.

"Touch? Where? How?"

Sometimes Stan really hated Kyle's inquisitive personality.

"Okay, okay, I can help you, lie down." Stan kneeled on the floor in front of the bed. Kyle quickly laid down.

"Usually," Stan explained, clothed only in his pajama shirt, "I touch my nipples."

"Eww! That's too GAY!" Kyle said in disgust.

Stan felt offended, "Then I guess you don't really want to wear a condom."

"OK, OK, I'll listen to you." Kyle unbuttoned his pajamas, revealing his small chest and soft belly.

Stan nervously put his hand on Kyle's chest, groping along the tender skin. Kyle was somewhat embarrassed and afraid to look at his friend. Stan touched the two tiny nipples, gently rubbing them.

"Dude, it feels weird." Kyle said, trembling, "My throat feels tight."

"That's right. When I do this, my throat feels tight, too." Stan said.

Kyle replied, "Fuck, I don't know what to do next!"

"Think of our snowball fight last winter. I pressed you in the snow to stuff your clothes full of it."

Kyle stared at Stan. "Do you usually touch yourself while you're thinking about that?!"

Stan nodded, embarassed. "It was really fun."

"Snow stuffed into my clothes was fun? I had a cold for a week after that!"

"I'm sorry... but I did come see you every day that week!"

Kyle suddenly smiled. "Yeah, we built a really ugly statue of Cartman with my Legos!"

The two boys giggled again.

"Ah!" Kyle suddenly stopped laughing, and moaned strangely.

"What did you do?" Kyle breathed impatiently.

"I pushed on you a little bit." Stan said, gently pushing at Kyle's nipple again.

"Ah!" Kyle grabbed Stan by the pajamas, "Do it again."

Stan touched Kyle again, but more forcefully.

"Ah ...... I feel like my wiener is standing up." Kyle and Stan immediately looked down.

"It really is!" Stan touched Kyle's wiener, "a little better than mine."

"Dude!" Kyle stared at him unhappily.

"I'll get a condom." Stan was about to get up, but Kyle pulled him back.

"Wait a minute, touch me again." Kyle blushed, just as Stan did.

"Alright." Kyle hooked his arm around Stan's neck, and soon the boy began to moan shamelessly.

"Dude, look! I think you made milk!" Stan pointed at Kyle's wiener, "I thought only women made milk!"

Kyle suddenly tensed up, the top of his wiener was oozing some white liquid.

"What're you talking about, man, of course you can! Cartman and the fifth-graders got milk from a male dog!"

"Can I taste it?" Stan asked. 

Kyle froze for a moment, then stammered in reply "If you have to..."

Stan looked down, licking up the 'milk' with his tongue.

"Bluh!" Stan immediately spit it out, "it's bitter, and it's not milk!"

"Hey!" Kyle narrowed his eyes.

"Sorry, dude. You should probably put a condom on now." Stan tore open the condom's package and put the condom in his mouth.

Stan put the condom on Kyle's penis, the same way Kyle had put it on Stan's.

"Ah!" Kyle groaned. Stan heard the sound, and his heart rate got faster.

"Dude! Can't you stop making noise?" Stan couldn't concentrate, and the sound stimulus was making his dick sore.

"Stan, I feel so... ah!" Kyle was now blushing all over. "I think I'm sick." Kyle's voice clearly sounded sad.

Stan tensed up, he didn't know what was making his friend uncomfortable. Stan quickly climbed over, and put his face by his friend's.

"Your face doesn't feel feverish!"

Kyle's teary eyes widened, his hands tightly clutching Stan's pajamas, his back straight.

"I don't know, but..."

"Ah!" The two little boys called out at the same time. Their wieners had just brushed together, which issued a shock-like pleasure.

"Try again Kyle!" Stan ordered.

Kyle strained to get back into position. The two boys fit together in sweet nakedness.

"This is great!" Stan sighed, then pressed his precious Kyle into the bed, just like when he pressed him into the snow during their snowball fight, up and down and then rubbing each other's bodies.

The condom's lubricating fluid made the two's lower bodies a mess, as did their sweat.

Stan sniffed Kyle's rich red hair. Kyle's mom bought coconut shampoo, which made Kyle smell sweet and delicious.

"Can I kiss you yet?" Stan asked. Kyle was confused and captivated. He was completely unable to analyze what Stan was saying, just blindly nodding. Stan laid his wet lips on his friend's face and body, planting one kiss after another.

"Stan, Stan!" Kyle suddenly exclaimed, "I can't help it, I need to pee!"

Kyle tried to push Stan away, but it was too late, he 'peed' in the condom.

"That isn't pee, it's milk." Stan looked at the white liquid on Kyle. Kyle gasped, stunned.

"I think I have to..." Stan furrowed his brow, "ah... Kyle!" He cried out the name of his good friend as he too shot 'milk' into the condom.

"I think we should take off the condoms, they're a little dirty." Kyle pointed to the condoms on their wieners.

"You're right." Stan threw the sperm filled condom on the floor.

"Wearing a condom made me tired. I don't know how I'm going to wear one for a whole day." Kyle yawned, lying on the bed.

"Tomorrow morning, we have to wear them, I don't want to get in any trouble." Stan turned the bedside lights off, climbed next to Kyle, and pulled up the quilt. "Good night, Kyle."

"Sweet dreams, Stan."

The next morning, when Mr. Marsh entered the boys' room and found condoms scattered on the floor alongside their dirty pajamas, he howled tragically.

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope I translated this one alright. (A few parts of it had me stumped, so I put in inferred Anglophone equivalents.)


End file.
